A rough week...

It's a cold, raining day here in North Carolina and for the first time in days, I (we) actually slept.  This has probably been the roughest week to date.  As I write, I am the only one up in the house and I am listening to my little Cameron breath in and out over the baby monitor and wondering what today will hold.  Yesterday was probably the most miserable though.  After a very restless night on Thursday night with lots of pain and nausea, he suddenly woke up Friday morning, scooted the edge of the couch, and requested going for a walk.  It was rather strange as he hasn't wanted to "walk" in weeks but of course EJ took his hands and after a quick stroll through the house, he seemed satisfied.  I had to run to work for a few minutes and he said to me "mommy, I'd love to go to the mall tonight."  I smiled, told him we would, and off I went.  EJ called me around lunch and told me to come home immediately because he couldn't wake Cameron up.  I packed up and rushed out the door...so much so the Cary PD stopped me for speeding and had very little concern I was rushing home to my son (a matter I will take up at a later date).  For hours we sat by Cameron and talked to him, rubbed his head, tickled him, checked his eyes...no response.  Surely, I thought, he was nearing the gates of heaven.  Dr. G arrived around 6pm, kneeled down beside Cam and said "hey Cam" and like a light switch, he opened his eyes and looked at him, rubbed his little eyes, and then began talking.  EJ and I walked away, tears flowing...can't say they were tears of happiness or saddness...probably more like pure emotional exhaustion.  Sometimes it seems like we lose Cam over and over again when he goes through these spells and we prepare ourselves, only for him to rebound...until the next time.  I just cry out over and over...What Lord are you doing?

So with that, another weekend comes.  So thankful he is resting peacefully in his bed.  So thankful for a doctor who makes house calls.  So thankful for a little boy who loves his doctor like he does.  So thankful for a big brother who, without asking, had the strength to hold his brother's hand for hours yesterday and talk about their fun over the years.  So thankful for my husband who is the best daddy and most gentle soul I know.  So thankful I didn't get a ticket yesterday.  And most of all, so thankful for the assurance that on the other side of the pain and suffering, Cameron has heaven.  

"Do not fear what this day, or any day, may bring your way.  Concentrate on trusting Me and on doing what needs to be done.  Relax in My sovereignty, remembering that I go before you, as well as with you, into each day.  Fear no evil, for I can bring good out of every situation you will ever encounter." - a devotion from Jesus Calling