Cameron was diagnosed with Medulloblastoma in Febuary of 2008. After his tumor resection surgery, he underwent six weeks of radiation therapy and four months of chemotherapy. After these treatments, we went back into our "normal" lives and Cameron progressed well getting back into school and the day-to-day of being a little boy.
However, a routine MRI on March 19, 2010 showed his cancer had returned. On November 9th, 2011, Cameron finally conquered his battle with cancer when he opened his eyes to the joys of heaven. Even in these dark days, we know God has richly blessed us by putting so many wonderful people in our path during this journey and we are so very thankful for them all.
I can't believe it is almost April. Although I must say, when I stepped into March and looked at the month ahead of me, I knew I would blink my eyes and March would be gone. It's been a crazy month for the Jackson's. Between March 2 and today, I think I have only been home 9 days...craziness. First it was Dallas, then Germany, then DC, and somewhere in there, I managed to sneak in a half marathon and other than raising two boys, the 13.1 miles may be one of my greatest accomplishments to date. With every step, I kept thinking about my wonderful little angel who will never have the opportunity to do what I was doing...run! I shouldn't be sad, I know he has a million fold in heaven to what we do here. But the mommy in me grieves all the things we will never get to see him do, all the things we will never experience with him, and I just plain grieve for him.
Easter is just around the corner. It's always been an emotional holiday for me as I ponder the sacrifice Jesus made so many years ago. This year it will be so hard for us. I think Cameron enjoyed Easter almost as much as he enjoyed Christmas. He couldn't wait to get dressed for church, hunt eggs, and have lunch at his grandmother's house. I'm just not sure if I can even be here for Easter this year; just thinking about it makes me cry. But I have to say, for as much as I miss Cameron and as much as my heart hurts, I have the assurance of knowing the Jesus' death brought new life; a life we can not fathom this side of heaven but a life my little Cam is absolutely enjoying abundantly. And that fact alone is what gets me out of bed day after day. Love to you all...
After 8 days in Germany, we are finally back home. I had a business trip and since Connor was tracked out, the boys decided to tag along with me. It was really a great experience but bittersweet. Checking into the airport as a family of three left EJ and I both in tears; such a constant void always. But it was nice to get away from life for a while, see a new place, eat some new things, and give Connor the history lesson of a lifetime.
On Friday we headed to Berlin for the weekend.
The train experience was interesting as our tickets were in German and we had no idea how to find our seats. It took about 45 minutes into the trip to finally get to the right spot. EJ was sweating, Connor complaining, and I was laughing at the fact we looked like the dumb Americans. We got off the train in Berlin only to find a Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts side by side; I guess American influence is everywhere. Our hotel was amazing overlooking the Brandenburg Gate and also the site where many of the scenes from the Bourne Supremacy was filmed.
Standing in front of the Reichstag, touching the Berlin Wall, and viewing the memorial to the Holocaust were amazing.
After Berlin, I had to work but the boys went to Munich. They toured Dachau...
Went to a soccer (a.k.a. football) match...
And spent a day walking through the city and learning the history regarding the rise of Adolf Hitler.
All in all, it was a fabulous trip but we are so happy to be home.
It's been a busy few days. Last Thursday was Connor's 14th birthday...gosh I cannot believe he is almost a man. It's amazing to see how much he is changing each and every day. He's almost as tall as I am, and yes, he thinks he is twice as smart and perhaps he actually is. At times the teenager in him makes me want to scream but I also see the wonderful sweet spirit he has. He'll be off to high school next year. I am so excited for the opportunities in store for him. However, not a day goes by that I don't wonder how Cameron's passing will effect him long term.
This past weekend, I flew to Dallas for a pediatric brain tumor meeting. It was my first meeting since Cam passed, and the first time I had really spent time with Cam's doctors since his service in November. I worried how it would make me feel but it was strangely therapeutic. I was able to spend some time with a few moms who walked this journey years before me. It's a rough club to belong to...I call it the sorority from hell. But at least I have them...what a gift in itself! I am not sure it will never be easy to look at MRI scans and survival curves and know how easily Cameron's situation could have turned out differently but continuing the fight against something he no longer can is what keeps my feet moving each day.
But the highlight of my weekend came before and after the conference. I was able to fly to Dallas early and spend the day with one of my best friends who moved to that area a few years ago. We stayed up late chatting and then did what girls do best the following day, we went shopping. And yes, I came home with the only appropriate Texas souvenir...cowboy boots!!! And as luck would have it, I got to see one of my dearest friends, a medulloblastoma researcher I met after Cameron's treatment, who was flying in to Dallas a few hours before I was set to leave. We had dinner and then I went and sat in the corner of DFW and did what I do best these days...cry.
The next few weeks will be just as crazy as the last few days. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we continue on through this really rough time.
