As I type, I am sitting next to my sleeping little boy and wondering how many more nights/weeks/months I will have the pleasure to do such. Its been an emotional roller coaster for the past few months...especially these past few weeks. I find myself in and out of joy, frustration, anger, heartbreak, tears, happiness and everything in between. I don't think words could ever express the heartache that comes with watching your child's health decline. I continually beg the Lord to not allow Cam to suffer and thus far, He has taken away his pain. Three weeks ago, I never thought we would bring him home from Duke. Since that time, he hasn't had the first headache. I'm not sure how to explain that other than the Lord covering him with what he needs to endure this road before him.
So many times over the past 3 1/2 years, I have wondered "why us, why Cam?" However, spending time at Duke makes one realize there are so many families feeling the same emotion. I'm not sure if it breaks my heart more to see him go through this or the realization that thousands of children and their families go through this every year. Some days I hate cancer and some days I appreciate the lessons it has taught me. I don't look at life the same anymore. My precious son has taught me the importance of living life for today. I feel like I'm losing everything but what I've come to realize is what I may be gaining is perspective of what really matters in this life. I can't see what is in the future for our family but I just have to believe God has paved the way.
2 comments:
Still praying for your family!
I'm so thankful that Cam has not been dealing with headaches! I am praying for a fun-filled birthday party in a couple of weeks. We continue to pray for you all. Tell Connor that Luke will be calling about hanging out as soon as we get VBS behind us! Love to you all.
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