Define or Transform?

Reality is setting in. I am not sad for Cameron...my goodness what he must be seeing. But I miss him so much. I drive down the road at night and see all the decorations for Christmas and the tears flow. We loved driving around at Christmas with him; he loved looking at the lights and decorations. He just loved Christmas. This week Rudolph came on TV; something Cam and EJ always watched together and something that left EJ both happy and sad. I am so thankful Cam encouraged me to decorate for Christmas in October because I might not have the energy to do so now. But I am so sad to see his stocking hanging and know it will be empty this year. We are doing ok but it's going to be a really hard month.

If there is one thing I have contemplated since Cameron's passing, it is something our pastor said at his service. He looked at our family and said "THIS does not have to define your life, but it can transform your life." Not a day has gone by that I have not thought about those words...what does that really mean for me personally both in my everyday life and in my spiritual life? How can I ensure that transformation and not the definition? I do believe there is a distinct difference. Almost the difference of whether we walk through this journey as survivors or as victims. I think there are so many people who are "survivors" and yet live as "victims". If I know anything, I know that Cameron lived, and died, a survivor! It's so hard to put one foot in front of the other at times. But for Cam, I'm determined to let this transform my life and by God's grace, survive this most horrific journey.

Many thanks for your continued love, support, and prayers. Love to you all...