The Firsts...

I've heard people say all my life that when a loved one passes, the "firsts" are always so hard. We are living that now. The first Thanksgiving without Cameron, the first visit to church without Cameron, the first dinner out as a "party of 3" and not four. Tonight was another hard first. Every year our church puts on an event called Journey to Bethlehem where they transform the campus into the Christmas story. Without question, it was one of Cameron's favorite things to do at Christmas. And as I walked through the "Jerusalem marketplace", I couldn't help but use my shekel to buy a red gem for Cameron...always his favorite. It makes me smile and want to cry at the same time. Oh how I miss that little guy!!! But how happy it made me to walk into a scene and see Connor dressed up and participating for the first time. Truly, if one can see the things of Earth from Heaven, I am certain Cameron was giggling watching his brother participate in his favorite event.

We are surviving but life is definitely hard. This week especially, reality has set in. Sometimes at work, I find myself staring at the pictures of him around my desk and wishing so desperately for those wonderful days when the photos were taken. Wishing so desperately that the Lord had other plans for our family. Wishing so desperately I didn't have to tote this load. Christmas is going to be hard...life is going to be hard without the missing link to our family of four. But we will make it; one day at a time. Much love to you all...