Happy Thanksgiving

Today is a bittersweet day for the Jackson clan. It's Thanksgiving...a time to reflect on life and all we are thankful for. For me, I am thankful for a lot...the two biggest things being 1) I was blessed to be the mommy of the greatest two boys and 2) Cameron is no longer suffering. But selfishly, my eyes swell with tears frequently because while I rejoice that Cameron is in heaven with Jesus, I miss him terribly. There is such a void in our home. Finding the new normal is hard. When we are out with Connor and having a good time, I stop and wonder if I am being disrespectful to Cam to go on with life. But then I think about Cameron and how he lived, making each day the best, and I know he would want us to do the same. But wow...it is so hard!

Last Sunday, returning to church was wonderful for me. Our pastor spoke on how we should "leave nothing left in the tank" in our lives...to simply give it our all each day. I thought of Cameron. He was definitely a child that even on the worst days, would still push himself and give it his all. Yesterday, just two weeks after Cameron's passing, I participated in a radiothon to raise money for Pediatric Brain Tumors. It was incredibly hard. I was so sad to sit in the studio and have an empty chair beside me...the chair Cameron would always occupy and share with the world his silly self and singing. He LOVED being on the air and would plan for weeks what he was going to say and sing. So I had to go...for my little guy...to tell his story, our story. It would have been so much easier to just sit at home in tears and feeling sorry for myself but I refused. I promised him I would forever continue the fight he couldn't, leaving "nothing left in the tank".

It's going to be a hard day for us as "the firsts" without Cameron will be for the next year and it will take a lot of effort to focus on what all we are thankful for this year. But we are instructed to give thanks in everything so I'm going to make the effort to do so today! Love to you all...