We are back in North Carolina after spending several days in Georgia visiting family. The boys have been wanting to go see their cousins and we figured there is no time like the present so we went. Cameron did amazing traveling to Georgia and back but was clearly wiped out and happy to be home.
The past week has been especially hard for me. I would be lying if I said I wasn't emotionally and spiritually exhausted at the moment. I KNOW God is at work in our lives and yet all I want to do is scream back at Him "WHY US?" It's kind of funny to say this but for the past two nights, I have been forcing (yes forcing) myself to do a bible study I bought a while back. And I wonder if perhaps this is how the Lord prefers us...so broken and helpless that we have to force ourselves to fix our eyes on Him because earthly strength and understanding is getting us nowhere. It's always moments like this when I smile and almost see God's humor. Almost as if He is smiling back and saying "there you go my child, you took the LONG way around but you are finally coming back to Me." Anyway, tonight I was reading and the study said:
Never forget this: if God allows your life to become hard, His motivation is always love. He loves you. His eyes are on you. The goal of all your pain is your restoration to a deeper sense of His love. But keep in mind that this is biblical love - a love so willing to take you through the valley to get you to a hilltop. No pseudosolutions or quick fixes with God. He is going for change in you at the deepest and most lasting level.
Saturday is my birthday and 1 year to the day that we found out Cameron's cancer had returned. Yes, that is correct, we got the horrible news on my birthday. I have been saying for weeks that I wanted to just jump in the car on Saturday morning, by myself, and head to the beach with a chair and a book and just escape. But as this beautiful weather approached, I came up with a much better way to spend what will forever probably be the worst day of my life. Cameron has been talking about planting flowers outside for several months so that is what I plan to do. Cam and I are going to go to the nursery Saturday morning and whatever he likes, I'm going to buy and plant all over my yard. He's excited and I can't wait. Love to you all.
4 comments:
Happy Birthday! What a beautiful day you've been given. I pray you have a terrific time planting flowers with Cameron and making memories to add your your collection! Love and prayers....
My heart goes out to you LeAnn! Your friends and neighbors continue to learn from your faith. I think your birthday plans sound absolutely GLORIOUS and my hope for you is that the flowers planted today will continue to bloom in his glory!
Love and prayers
Nicole
Wow LeAnn, I love that excerpt from your study, a very powerful reminder of the ways of God.
Strangely enough, Gabby had her very first seizure on my birthday. Not sure what's up with that. But every year my birthday serves as a reminder of that day in the library when I looked down and thought my 6 month old had experienced a massive stroke. I can still feel the panic.
We continue to pray for Cameron and can only imagine the struggles you're experiencing on this journey. The mix of emotions wrapped up in this day must be intense. Yet I can't think of a better way to embrace the warm spring day than by planting flowers together.
Thanks so much for sharing and Happy Birthday!
Love,
Kelly
I love the quote from your bible study. A powerful reminder of God's love for his children. Thank you for sharing it. I can't wait to hear what you planted with Cameron!
Kim Powerll
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