Thankful in ALL things?

It's been a while since I wrote for a combination of reasons.  Life is busy, work is crazy, I've been sad, not much to say, and beyond that, I have been trying to find a way to turn my grieving heart into a thankful one...that is, thankful in ALL things.  Sometimes I pause when thanking God for all the amazing people now in my life...how can I be thankful for those who are present only because of a tumor called medulloblastoma; a tumor that ultimately took my wonderful little boy.  And I question, how Lord can I be thankful in ALL things?  And how Lord, do I move forward?  

I can say with complete certainty that I can't even remember the pre-cancer LeAnn and at times, I find myself in places wondering "how did I get here?"  This past week was one of those times.  I went to Washington DC as part of the Alliance for Childhood Cancer.  I, along with about 250 others, met on Capitol HIll for two days to discuss the issues at hand in childhood cancer and meet with our congressional representatives to urge action.  I went to do what I do best...TALK!  And yes, I presented a good argument.  But I walked away with a peace I didn't go to DC for.  For two days, my eyes focused in on the young children in the room who were survivors, and as I listened to their parents speak of the many debilitating difficulties these survivors face as a result of the toxic chemicals they received as part of their treatment, a peace came over me...

And as I sat in church today, I began to sob listening to one of the songs.  The verse says:

No guilt in life,

No fear in death

This is the pow'r of Christ in me

From life's first cry to final breath

Jesus commands my destiny

No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man

Can ever pluck me from His hand

Til He returns or calls me home

Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

My tears were of joy.  The truth is, Cameron never feared death and cancer never plucked him from our Lord's hand.  Those who knew Cameron have and will always attest to the fact that he was a very special child.  What I've come to realize is that Cameron was different because he was full of the pow'r of Christ.  What I've come to desire it to move forward with the same fearless strength.  I miss him like crazy.  His giggle resonates in my soul and makes me smile even on the worst days.  Why didn't he survive?  Maybe I got my answer...perhaps this mommy's heart couldn't bear to see him struggle for the rest of his life.  Or maybe, he accomplished what his purpose was for this life.  And as I sit in my dark, quiet house this evening, I am thankful for my wonderful family of four, and even if for only 10 years, the opportunity to be Cameron's mommy and witness true, unquestioning faith.